24 Worrying About Students

My friend Stacey Donohue recently posted a link to an article published at Inside Higher Education by a Pam Whitfield, a teacher who worried about the broken lives of her students in developmental writing.  I was touched by the piece and I agree with the writer that it's important to provide information about available services, like personal counseling or shelters,  for those who need them.  But I am not the kind of person who could make the choices that she is making.  Nor would I want to be that person. 

She says, "I live with my students perpetually on my mind. I worry about the stories that they’re not telling me."  She also writes "I am also serving as a life coach, student success skills instructor, and amateur therapist, and I have no training in these areas."

Of course, as someone who teaches the basic interpersonal communication courses I've also encountered students who come out of very tough backgrounds.  But I long ago chose not to stand in loco parentis to the adults in my classes; chose not to take their problems home with me.  I have a variety of reasons for making this choice. 

1.  It would be inappropriate for me to take on the job of a life coach, psychologist, or parent.

As Pam Whitfield says about herself, I am not trained for either of the first two jobs.  And, unlike many of my peers, I haven't the legal, financial, or emotional ability to take on the third.  I've had an occasional student who sought to engage me around psychological issues.  I've steadfastly refused to step into the role they seemed to want me to play.  First, because I could wind up doing more damage than good.  People who aren't trained to be therapists should be very careful in providing therapeutic assistance.  Unlike the old Hollywood image, helpful therapy isn't simply sitting and performing active listening.  It takes knowing how and when to respond.  Second, I see a seduction in the neediness of students who seek therapeutic counseling from professors.  A professor may decide to provide that counseling not because it's the best thing for the student but because it gives the professor a satisfying self-concept as a caring and generous individual.  Such relationships are based on the needs of the professor, not those of the student.

I'm not, of course, saying that all professors are motivated to martyrdom out of a need to seem holy.  What I am saying is that the seduction is there and it would be useful for any professor so tempted to look deep into his or her own heart to assess why they are going the extra mile for any particular student.

Nor am I saying that even an outright narcissist can't be helpful.  Such attentions may actually be just the thing a student needs at a particular point in time.  

What I am saying is that I have chosen not to so engage not only because I thought I might do more damage than good (because I lack the training) but also because I wasn't completely sure that my own motivations would have been completely pure.

2.  Worry does not act in the world.

Worry is an emotion that creates stress in the worrier and does nothing to effect change in the world.  It's useless.  It helps no one.  It is a grinding of gears, a shredding of mental machinery.  The First Century Greek sage Epictetus said, "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."  The Buddhist monk Santideva, concurred, some 600 years later: “If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.”

If I can take an immediate action to help my students and it seems appropriate to do so, I take that action.  Otherwise I do the work I'm trained to do -- act as a communication teacher.

3.  Worry is not healthy.

Not only is worry pointless, it's also damaging to health.  There are strong links between worry heart health, according to the 2013 study by Phillip Tully, et al in  "A review of the affects of worry and generalized anxiety disorder upon cardiovascular health and coronary heart disease."  

4.  COCC has student success professionals on staff.

Whitfield wonders who would takeWe are fortunate at COCC to have great Human Development classes available for those who need them.  (I, myself, have been helped by some of the course materials on procrastination.)  We also have counseling available.  It hasn't always been so during my time here.  Sometimes I've had to refer students to local sources of help rather than those on campus. 

5.  The work of self-sacrifice is too hard -- where does one stop? 

I admire Whitfield's commitment to giving everything to her students.  But I am just not able to do that.  There is some work that is too hard -- that can only be done by those who have to do it or die, whether because of exterior or interior pressure.  I am simply not one of those people. 

Because I'm a Christian, I am sorry that I'm not able to take up that cross.  Because I'm a heretic who believes in reincarnation, I know that I'm not destined to get off "the Wheel" this go around. 

So it goes.  Po-tee-weet.