27 "The Benefits of Masturbation" . . .

. . . was the impromptu topic my last public speaking class gave me tonight.

You see, I always do a sample impromptu as an illustration before my students give their impromptus.  The rules for the pass/no pass assignment are simple.   A student pulls a topic out of a bag or envelope.  Then he or she has 30 second to prepare a short speech on the topic.  To pass the assignment the speech must be at least a minute long, have an introduction, body, and conclusion, no pauses over four seconds and no babbling.  Students may redo the assignment as many times as necessary to pass.

I have students make up topics for each other and also a topic for me:  the "Huck Challenge Topic."   I collect the student topics and a volunteer collects the challenges.  Then I leave the room and the volunteer reads the challenge topics aloud and the class selects the best one.

Because I had mentioned my ignorance and dislike of sports earlier in the evening, a couple of people were joking that "football" would be a good topic for me.  I was worried enough that when I went to my RDM office to wait, I "cheated" and looked up FIFA so I could at least say something about the approaching World Cup, just in case I got football as a topic.  It was taking a while for them to make the decision though and even with the door closed I heard occasional bursts of laughter.  Laughter that had a particular wildness in it.  I began to hope for a sex question.

You see, sometimes students give me a sex question thinking that I can't answer it OR that I'll get embarrassed or just to see what I'll do.   I remember back in the early part of this century when a class gave me the topic, "What's your favorite flavor of Lube."  I later learned that the topic was suggested by the step-son of someone who worked in H. R.   I had a fun two minutes talking about various flavors.  (I actually used to talk about lubricants during the "sex week" of the Communicating Love class so I had more than personal experience on which to draw.)

So tonight, when I was called into the classroom, several people were laughing and saying things to each other like, "Get a picture of her face when she gets the topic."  And, instead of handing me the topic, like most of my classes have done, one young woman read it aloud, "We want you to answer this question: "What are the benefits of masturbation?"

I immediately wrote "Safety, Pleasure" on the whiteboard as my two main points.  Then I began my speech, "I'm so glad you've asked me, a person who has taught courses about love and sexuality for the past 12 years, to talk with you about the benefits of masturbation."  Then I went on to explain that it was the safest type of sex and also the most pleasurable kind of sex because, "If you don't know where your buttons are, who does?"  I actually said, "And if you don't know what you want, you need to take yourself in hand."

I got a lot of laughs AND performed a successful impromptu.  When it was their turns (all 24 of them), they did too.  They all had plenty of energy which I hope they can take into their informative and persuasive speeches.

I competed in impromptu speaking in high school.  It was the only event in which I ever achieved any success.  (I was a terrible debater -- I would cry if people were mean to me -- and if I tried to be entertaining I would laugh too hard at my own jokes.)

I don't think I'll miss giving impromptus, however,  because in retirement I plan to get out my old game of "spiel" and start having friends over for evenings of bullshitting.  I just don't want to let these important skills get rusty.